Sobriety

12/11/17 Day One:

Hoping this will be my last day one. Coincidentally, this is the day that I lost my virginity all the way back in 1994. I woke up this morning with a bad cold that I finally caught from my daughter. And since I did drink last night, I also have a slight hangover. I’m tired from the cat head butting me all night. But I’m feeling good about it being day one, again. It has to work this time. I’ve immersed myself, and surrounded myself, with every freaking tool in the toolbox. Tonight I start a group session as part of a program with The Willow Center. 3 days a week (2 groups, 1 individual). I think that the comradery is what I’ve been missing, since AA folks and I have never really hit it off. It should be a low key day otherwise. The twins are also fighting this cold, so I’ve declared it a stay home and get better day.

12/12/17 Day Two:

Forcing myself to sit down and write this. I still have this bad cold, so I’m sick and super cranky. I started my group sessions at The Willow Center last night and I think I’m going to like it. I like the support. There’s no session today but another one tomorrow. Signing off for now.

12/13/17 Day Three:

I am actually writing this on 12/15 because I’ve gotten away from this. But 12/13 was another cranky/tired day. I don’t remember much about it other than that. I had group that night, which went well. It’s interesting to hear all of the stories from the group. Almost all of them are on probation or have been in some kind of trouble. Also, I had my first pee test, which had to be supervised by my counselor Emily. It kind of made me feel like a criminal, but at the same time I felt relieved that someone else was watching this with me.

12/14/17 Day Four:

Also writing this on 12/15. I’ve been fighting a cold so I woke up feeling like shit. Sober but exhausted and sick. I had to get the twins up and to preschool by 9am and of course they decided to fight me the whole way. We were late, but I guess I wasn’t the only one fighting their kids that morning because several other parents were walking in behind us. I came home and slept and went back at 11:45am to catch the tail end of their Christmas party. Had a nice little coughing fit in the middle of it, but survived. Came home, played with them for a little bit and took another nap. I am soooo tired!!!! I took Will out to Walmart and to look at Christmas lights. I feel like he’s been needing some mommy time.

12/15/17 Day Five:

Woke up at 3am coughing. Finally started to fall back asleep and the phone rang??? It was my mom’s lifeline company alerting me that she’d been taken to the emergency room due to a bite. Heh? That turned out to be incorrect. She was feeling extremely dizzy. She’s still there. Low hemoglobins. I went to my first individual counseling session with Emily and was really happy with it. We set goals for me to focus on the for the next 30 days. 1) Self care/eating right 2) Finding a part-time or full-time PM job 3) Doing more researching addiction. I suggested that I focus specifically on addiction in the early stages and she agreed. Good session!